Category Archives: Fun Stuff

A Full Year of Uncle Jay Explaining the News

I probably mentioned Uncle Jay and his explanation of the news before, but it is time to re-visit.

I never miss one of his weekly episodes and a week or two ago he had an offer I could not refuse – A whole year of news explained to little minds on two DVDs as a Christmas present to myself. I was aware that I would receive my DVDs only after this year was over to actually include the whole year on the DVD, but Uncle Jay wanted to make sure that his clients/viewers – the little minds – got that and stopped moving nervously in their chairs waiting for the DVDs to arrive.

Good thinking, Uncle Jay!

He sent out a confirmation that he received my order and demonstrated his great humor by not sending just some old paper form, but instead an official-looking certificate.

Please enjoy…

Squirrels Ate My Car

OK, may be not the whole thing, but they had a good start.

This might be one of the very few down-sides of living in the woods. In my case it was not a big deal but I heard that others had much worse experiences.

Here’s what went down: I noticed my windows were pretty dirty, last time I was down in the valley, and, lazy as I am, I just used the windshield washer to remedy the situation – or wanted to. No water leaving the nozzles in the hood. First thought that I just ran out water in the system. But, next time when I parked, I opened the door and operated the washer, I heard the motor whirring – which was a good thing – but I also saw water running out from under the car. That certainly meant that I did not run out of water, but that most likely the water line had popped off somewhere.

So, I did something which I had not done  for a while – I opened the hood to look where the line had come loose with the idea to just put it back on.

To my surprise I found nestled between the part of the exhaust manifold – a nest – and in that nest a piece of the water line that was supposed to connect the reservoir with the nozzles on the hood. Funny enough, the car manufacturer had also provided softer part of the nest material – from the sound proofing material clued on the inside of the hood. My suspicion that the culprit was a squirrel is based on the fact that there were still a few acorns in the nest – just for colder winter times to come.

I can only imagine the terror of the poor inhabitants when I had gotten into the car last time and started the engine!

The car was due for a tune-up, so I requested that this little damage was fixed as well and learned at that time that I was one of the lucky ones. the auto shop had customers with thousands of dollars of damage. The mechanic and proprietor told me that so many remedies had been tried and failed. Ultra-sonic pest repeller – no go. Cleaning the engine and spraying with oil – no effect.

He had heard of only one trick that worked – give them something better. This creative car owner had, when he needed to leave his car alone for a few days, put some cat food in the close vicinity of the car parts that had been previously served as dinner. This way the visitors feasted on better digestible food and left the unhealthy plastic and rubber do the things they were intended for. A win-win situation: less cost for the car owner and healthier rodents.

Squirrels ate my car - starting with this hose

Pop Culture Expert Surprisingly Not Ashamed Of Self

I love the Onion News Network! Guess that’s why I have it prominently linked to in my sidebar over there.

One of the first ‘news reports’ I saw was about the bring-your-daughter-to-war day for soldiers stationed in Irak. The Onion brings its news stories packaged so well, that – if it wasn’t complete bogus – would be totally believable.

I love this idea of holding a mirror to the ‘real’ news to demonstrate that they are bogus as well, by just completely exaggerating. That has always been my favorite type of humor.

But this time they really did it – a REAL news story! And I don’t see any type of exaggeration in there. It’s just the truth and nothing but the truth. It’s about this self-proclaimed pop expert that, despite the fact tat she has accomplished diddly-squad in her life, still assumes the right to gossip and bitch about doers and isn’t even ashamed about it. It is a story well worth your consternation.

As I was looking around the Onion web site I also found this report, another must read, that the Department Of Education Study Finds Teaching These Little Shits No Longer Worth It.

The Onions Network should be in everybody’s RSS feed.

Que Bella Italia

Oh, the Italians!

Beautiful cars, beautiful women, molto macho! Combine that with being in power as a police man, and you will get excess.

The excess I am referring to here is a police car for about quarter of a million (Dollar or Euro does not really matter here, does it?) All this, so that the rich boy who also has a Lamborghini Gallardo or better can be brought to justice should he be speeding. And if this speeding rich boy turns out to be a beautiful rich girl – just the better, then the police officer is at least on level flirting grounds – at least car-wise.

The reason there is a police officerette in the first picture is probably just a mistake or needed for PR reasons.

Now, without further ado, let me introduce the newest (and short lived) Italian police car and leave you with the remark that if they had only invested a fraction of the cost of the car in some driver training…

China Even Catches up in Marketing

Nearly every label about the origin of an article we see these days says China.

But we still have an advantage here in the US – we are better in marketing, right? This reminds me of an old saying back in Germany in the sixties and seventies, where it was common knowledge (at least amongst Germans) that “Germans invent it, Americans market it, and Japanese make it cheaper.

The part about the Japanese making thing cheaper has certainly now shifted to the Chinese, but we can live with that because here in the US we are still the best in the most important part of making money – Marketing!

But the following picture shows that everything is changing again. Anybody who can market and sell ‘Diet Water’ must be best in marketing!

Breast Smilies

In the beginning of the World Wide Web transferring data was slow and costly so methods were devised to minimize the amount of data transmitted and still convey the message.

One of the results was the ‘Smiley’ – an icon consisting of only a few characters and thus very cheap and fast to transmit. The added advantage was that with just three characters you could indicate that you were smiling  🙂  or frowning  🙁  instead of writing a little novel to express that this was your emotion when writing an email or quick instant message.

Since then bandwidth has become a lot cheaper and the reason to reduce the amount of data is not relevant any more. But in our illiterate times it is still necessary for many people to have the means to simply express if they are saying something humorous or threatening…

  • I’m going to kill you  🙂
  • I’m going to kill you  🙁

Obviously, specialized areas of the www thought that they require such symbology as well, and today we show you one area where such iconography was very successfully implemented – in the description of the female breast – a never-ending interest of the male population.

Anyway, women can try breast enhancement pills to make men happy 🙂

Without further ado, here are the your breast smileys…

Perfect breasts
Perfect Breasts

Fake silicone breasts
Fake silicone breasts

Perky breasts

Big nipple breasts

A cups

D cups

Wonder bra breasts

Cold breasts

Lopsided breasts

Pierced Breasts

Hanging Tassels Breasts

Grandma’s Breasts

Against The Shower Door Breasts

Android Breasts

Martha Stewart’s Breasts

UPDATE: I am totally surprised how many of you have found this post – it is totally amazing! So, I thought that, if you got here in search for enhancing somebodies breasts – maybe your own, you should check out the pastic surgeon who really makes beautiful breasts. (Full disclosure: I run Dr. Orloff’s web site.)

How to Call the Police When You are Old

I received the following story through one of those typical email blasts – but this one did not say that I have to forward it if I don’t want to roast in hell. It is good enough to not need such encouragement. Without further ado…

George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?”

He said “No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.”

Then the police dispatcher said “All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.”

George said, “Okay.”

He hung up the phone and counted to 30.

Then he phoned the police again.

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot them.” and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”

George said, “And I thought you said there was nobody available!”

I only remember once waiting for the cops after the alarm went off accidentally and I did not know how to handle this (new alarm!) It look about four hours that a squad car showed up and I remember contemplating the possibility that I REALLY needed them. Now I know what to do – beside being prepared to handle things myself the way George made the cops believe he had.

Oh, yes, do you know that the police, sheriff and cohorts do not have a duty to protect and  help you?

The origin of the name Google – where it really comes from

Google LogoHave you ever wondered where Google got its name from. There are some of these companies that have become household names and nobody really considers any more where their names come from – Amazon, Yahoo, et al.

But somebody must have sat down and really thought about it. It is rare that something is materializing out of thin air. Often we get an inspiration from something that passes by – even if only fleeting.

Google, after being known around the world and even becoming a verb now could not possibly admit that its name would not reflect deep thought (pun intended) and consideration, so the official version is that Google comes from the mathematical term “googol”, to equal 10100, a number much larger than even the atoms in this universe.

But here I now have for you the “real source” of the  name:

Today I re-read, for the xth time, Douglas Adam’s “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” and there it was – plain and simple:

In the story of this (must read) book where the two programmers Lunkwill and Fook talk to the computer Deep Thought the first time after its completion to find out if it will indeed be able to compute an easy answer to all the questions about life, the universe and everything, and this computer classifies itself as only the second most powerful computer in the universe, the following dialog pursues:

“There must be a mistake,” he [Lunkwill] said, “are you not a greater computer than the Millard Gigantubrain at Maximegalon which can count all the atoms in a star in a millisecond?”

“The Millard Gigantubrain?” Said Deep Thought with unconcealed contempt. “A mere abacus – mention it not.”

“And are you not,” said Fook leaning anxiously forward, ” a greater analyst than the Googleplex Star Thinker in the Seventh  Galaxy of Light and Ingenuity which can calculate the trajectory of every single dust particle throughout a five-week Dangrabat Beta sand blizzard?”

“A five-week sand blizzard?” said Deep Thought laughingly. “You ask this of me who have contemplated the very vectors of the atoms in the Big Bang itself? Molest me not with this pocket calculator stuff.”

There you have it – modest Google does not (yet) compare itself with Deep Thought.

A little side note that other well know subjects have been inspired by Douglas Adams. Many of you will know the TIFF file format used to store image data. This format is a tagged format and one of the initial tags that identifies the file as a TIFF file has a value of 42 and the official comment was that this value was chosen for the deep meaning of this particular value. The drafters did not quite come out with the full credits for this value which took seven and a half million years to compute, but made this tongue in cheek choice for all those geeks who know TIFF and Douglas Adams.

What is heaven – what is hell

Heaven is Where:

  • The Police are British,
  • The Chefs are Italian,
  • The Mechanics are German,
  • The Lovers are French and
  • It’s all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:

  • The Police are German,
  • The Chefs are British,
  • The Mechanics are French,
  • The Lovers are Swiss and
  • It’s all organized by the Italians.

But I guess, judging from the latest development, the British as police is not quite heaven any more, so I suppose the above might be a bit outdated – time has even caught up with the British.